Photo: Andre Koehne
The Backdrop:
There is a country in Southeast Africa called Malawi. You do not want to live in Malawi. Malawians don't even want to live in Malawi. I would attempt to track down a Malawi resident and interview him so he could tell you so himself, but unfortunately they are all either too busy fortifying their homes against monsters or fleeing the country for their damn lives (also, I have no intentions of ever stepping foot in Malawi myself). Neighboring the country of Tanzania, Malawi is no stranger to the occasional killing spree by wild lions. That's just something you get used to down there, like traffic in L.A. So what then could possibly have caused over 4,000 residents to flee their homes to live in government subsidized refugee camps? A creature known only as... (cue dramatic music)... the Malawi Terror Beast.
Photo: Lucas V. Barbosa
The Destruction:
In 2003, over the course of several months, an unidentified creature attacked 19 residents of Malawi, killing three. While this might not seem too insane for a country plagued with wild animal attacks, it was the brutal ways in which these people were killed and maimed that has struck fear into the hearts of the entire nation. The three deaths were of two elderly women and a three year old baby; each had their skulls completely crushed in and their intestines and private parts devoured by the beast. Those lucky enough to survive their attacks suffered horrific disfigurements which local scientists analyzed in an attempt to identify the beast. Several victims lost both legs and hands and two lost both ears and eyes. One unfortunate woman had her nose and mouth torn out by the creature. Think about that for a second... This woman lost her mouth. Not her teeth, not her jaw... her goddamn mouth. Though I'm not entirely sure what that means exactly, I can assure you that the victim wouldn't even be able to explain it herself. This gruesome style of selective disfigurement is more reminiscent of the Jack the Ripper killings than those by any crazed animal.
Photo: Adam Jones
The Aftermath:
The creature responsible for these grizzly attacks has never been found. Scientists' best guess as to what animal the Malawi Terror Beast could possibly be is that it was a rabid hyena. While hyenas do possess the jaw strength necessary to easily crush bones, most locals simply refuse to accept such a dismissive explanation. One resident, Morgan Amoni, 30, who was looking after his father (one of the victims of the attacks), came close to this mysterious monster, and believes it is the reincarnated spirit of a similar beast that maimed or killed over 25 people and was shot dead last year. He believes the beast has returned to exact revenge on the people. Implausible to you and I maybe, but we're not the ones being hunted down by a Jeffrey Dahmer wannabe ghost-monster. That is literally all of the information available (assuming you're as lazy or inept as I am) on the subject. So I shall now leave you with the same information and advice I began with. There is a country in Southeast Africa called Malawi. You do not want to live in Malawi.
Photo: Deutsche Fotothek
source: BBC News
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