Scientists Attach Rectal Methane-Collecting Backpacks to Cows

Thu, Jul 10, 2008

Ecology

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cow farts
Cows’s Flatulence Contributes to Global Warming

Imagine for a moment that you have a balloon above your head. In this balloon is the entire volume of air that has passed through your body to become the gaseous odorous ghost of your last two meals. Being a vegetarian with a high fiber intake, I can guarantee that I would be quite embarrassed at the sheer size of such a balloon (or proud, depending on current company).

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Thankfully, cows have no pride or prejudice when it comes to their own bodily functions and apparently readily accept gas-collecting apparatuses in their anuses and mouths inserted by giggling scientists.

The mission of said giggling scientists is a simple: to reduce the amount of methane and other greenhouse gases expelled by cows. A 400 page United Nations report entitled Livestock’s Long Shadow catalogs the environmental impact of the world’s domesticated animals. In the report, the Food and Agriculture Organization found that Earth’s nearly 1.5 billion cows produce about 18 percent of the world’s green-house gases.

For Argentina, a country whose 55 million cows account for a whopping 38 percent of the country’s greenhouse emissions, the flatulation problem is a serious one. Guillermo Berra, a researcher taking part in the cow farting shenanigans stated that every cow produces between 8000 and 1,000 liters of emissions each day.

While phrases like “carbon footprint” and “carbon neutral” are the buzzwords of hobby environmentalists fighting carbon dioxide with bumper stickers, gases like methane take a backseat. However, methane is actually 23 to 50 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat within the atmosphere.

For the project, scientists develop new diets and collect the gas from cows for analysis. Interestingly, feeding the cows alfalfa or clover instead of grain actually reduces methane emissions by 25 percent. Perhaps the invention of Bovine Beano® is finally in sight!

Sources: 1, 2

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This post was written by:

Brad Handley - who has written 11 posts on Environmental Graffiti.

Brad is a grad student currently studying political science in Tennessee. His witty cynicism stems from almost three decades of a rough and troubled life. His most trying moment occurred when he lost his kitty Sam to the underside of a Chevy. For fun he enjoys writing about himself, cooking, playing guitar, and disappointing those that love him.

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7 Comments For This Post

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  1. Antiglobalist Says:

    Cmon, this is silly. We’re focusing on tiny problems while the real environmental challanges are left untouched: deforestation, overpopulation, overindustrialization, globalization and depletion of natural resources. Chasing farting cows is just plain stupid.

  2. GoGetter Says:

    Ya gotta start somewhere…

  3. Minnesotastan Says:

    My understanding is that the tube is not a rectal tube, but rather inserted transcutaneously into the stomach - because cows belch methane rather than farting it.

    Stan

  4. Vadim Says:

    I think cutting down meat consumption is probably a better way to go around saving the environment than putting rectal backpacks on cows.

    I think this is our best idea — cutting meat from peoples’ diets on a gradual basis and promoting vegetarianism. It’ll have a much more immediate effect.

  5. Barbra Says:

    Go grass fed!! Logically it seems that the problem is not so much the cows but what they eat! Is that not what causes gas? What we eat. Mankind meddles with nature too much. Instead of a vaccine aginst gas or genetic manipulation just change their food. Instead of feeding them what ever fattens them up as quickly and cheaply as possible, the cows should get a diet more natural to their species. Are wild cattle not naturally grazers? Soooo…..LET THEM EAT GRASS! What is in a pasture? Grass, alfalfa, clover…… And didnt they discover alfalfa and clover reduces their “emissions” by 25% I guess what they say is true “Grass fed is best!”

  6. Barbra Says:

    Hmmmmm…..Cows arn’t the only ones who fart. I don’t see my father in law walking around with a ‘gas-collecting apparatus’ :) Wonder how much human uh… emmissions.. contribute to ‘enviromental impact’, bodily emmissions that is. There are alot more of us then there are cows.

  7. NH Says:

    They should have attached one to Al Gore’s MOUTH. He has emitted more poisonous gas from there than any cow could ever in its lifetime.

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